This is the good news, folks: the blooming server won't accept anything fancy like JQuery. I'm not a sysadmin or in charge of the server in any way, and no way of persuading them to change their minds and include anything fancy either.
So it's got to be as basic as possible.
And I have to have it by tomorrow night, so I can work up at least a basic proof of concept demo.
I could do with a little help here. Anybody?